In the last century, there lived a sultan who waged war tirelessly and finally made himself master of a largish desert. "Surely I'm the greatest monarch in the world," he said to his vizier, one day. "What do the people say about me?" "They're all praise for you, Your Excellency," said the vizier, "all except one man, Ali, a camel-driver by profession. He's always running you down." "How dare he!" roared the Sultan. "Bring him here at once. I'll cut out his tongue!!" When Ali was brought to the palace, he threw himself at the Sultan's feet. "At last my dearest wish to see you has come true," he said, obsequiously. "I used to say nasty things about you so that I might be brought into your august presence."

"Why?" boomed the Sultan. "So that I might recite the poem I have written in your honour, O Merciful One." "Recite!" Ali began to recite a poem his grandfather had taught him in his childhood. It proclaimed the greatness of Alexander, the Great but Ali deftly substituted the Sultan's name for Alexander's whenever the need arose. The Sultan was flattered. "Good poem," he said, when Ali had finished. "Describes me exactly. You deserve a reward. Choose from one of these magnificent saddles," and he indicated a pile of saddles, lying nearby. Ali chose a donkey's saddle, and thanking the Sultan, bowed himself out of the palace. The people from his village who were sure he would be executed, and were waiting for news about it, outside the gate, were astounded to see him. "The Sultan let you go?" they asked, bemused. "And why not?" he asked. "I recited a poem in his honour and he rewarded me with one of his best robes." "The sultan gave you his robe!" They gasped. "Where is it?" He showed them the donkey's saddle.

           A man eating in a restaurant called the waiter and complained that he had been given only one loaf with his meat dish. "I like lots of bread," said the man. "Remember that next time." The next time he came the waiter served him three loaves. "This is better than the last time," said the man. "But I would have liked more bread." The next time

he came the waiter served him five loaves but sill the man seemed unhappy. Later the waiter told the cook about the man. The cook said he would see to it that the man was fully satisfied the next time he came. Two days later the man came again. The waiter alerted the cook who alerted the bakery with whom he had placed an order for a loaf 2ft wide, 3ft thick and 6ft long. The bakery delivered the loaf to the restaurant, and the cook and the waiter triumphantly carried the loaf to the customer. The customer stared at the loaf in disbelief. "This is the last time I'm coming here!" he announced getting up angrily from his chair and throwing his napkin on the table. "I keep telling you I want more bread and here you are once again serving me just one loaf!"

           A king sent a message to the ruler of a neighbouring country. The message read: "Send me a blue diamond as large as a pigeon's egg or else..." The king on getting the message wrote back: "We don't have such a diamond and if we had..." The first king got very angry and declared war on his neighbour. The fighting went on for several months till a third king arranged a meeting between the two warring rulers. So they met and the first king said to the other: "What did you mean when you said, 'Send me a blue diamond as large as a pigeon's egg or else...'?" "Why," he replied, "I meant a blue diamond as large as a pigeon's egg or else... some other diamond. I love diamonds. But what did you mean when you said, 'We don't have such a diamond and if we had-'?" "It is easy to guess my meaning," said the other man. "What I wanted to say was, if we had such a diamond we would have gladly sent it to you." The Kings pledged to write more clearly in future communications and embraced and made peace.

           Guru Gampar had told his four disciples that they were never to do anything without his permission. One day while they were on their way to a distant town, Guru Gampar fell asleep in the bullock cart they were travelling in. His head rolled from side to side and suddenly his turban slipped from his head and fell on to the road. But as their guru had told them never to do anything without his permission, none of the

disciples made a move to get down and pick it up. When the guru woke up and was told about the loss of his turban he was furious. "Next time anything falls off pick it up at once!" he thundered. Some time later the bullock dropped its dung and the four foolish disciples leaped down and picked it up. Guru Gampar was horrified. He made a list of the things that could fall off from a moving cart. "Pick up any of these things if they fall," he told them, handing them the list. "Don't pick up anything that is not mentioned here." Just then the cart lurched violently and Guru Gampar was thrown headlong into a ditch. Guru Gampar yelled to his disciples to pull him out. "We can't, guruji," said his disciples, sadly. "Your name is not on the list you gave us." Guru Gampar pleaded with them to pull him out, but in vain. "We know you are testing us, guruji," they told him. "But you can rest assured that we will never disobey you. You told us not pick up anything that was not mentioned in your list and we will not do so." "Give me the list!" yelled Guru Gampar. They threw him the list and the pen and the guru hastily scrawled his name on it. Then and then only did the obedient disciples pull their beloved guru out of the ditch and put him back into the cart!

           An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints. "I see spots before my eyes," he said. "It's due to old age," said the doctor. "No food agrees with me," said the man. "That too is due to old age," said the doctor. "The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older." "My back is giving trouble," persisted the man. "Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable." "Old age," said the doctor. This was too much for the man. "Why do you go on saying 'old age, old age'," he screamed. "If you cannot cure me, say so. I'll go elsewhere." "See how easily you lost you temper," said the doctor. "That is another characteristic of old age."

           Lal Bujhakkad is a comic hero of Hindi folklore. He is fond of offering elaborate but foolish explanations for simple phenomena and suggesting outlandish solutions for simple problems or riddles. But he lives among foolish people who are in awe of his learning. They readily believe whatever he tells them and never hesitate to carry out his instructions. Here is a Lal Bujhakkad story. One morning a villager stepped out of his hut and saw huge, round footmarks in the mud outside his dwelling. "Oh, my God! What's this!" he shouted. Soon there was a large crowd outside his hut. None of the villagers had ever seen such large footprints before and they were bewildered by them. They

followed the tracks and found that they ran all through the village to the other side. "I think... I think," said a villager, finally, "we were visited by a demon last night." "He must've been of a monstrous size," said another man, shuddering. "Let us not panic," advised a third villager. "There might be a simple explanation for all this. Let's call Lal Bujhakkad. He has helped us so many times in the past..." So Lal Bujhakkad who lived in a neighbouring village, was sent for and he came without fuss. He bent over the prints and studied them from every angle. "Some of us think they were made by a d-demon," said the headman, hesitatingly. "You people have such fertile imaginations," said Lal Bujhakkad, giving him a withering look. "No, these tracks were not made by a demon or monster. They were made by a deer." "A deer!" exclaimed the headman. "But they're so big!" "That's because," explained Lal Bujhakkad patiently, "the animal tied large stones to its feet to fool us." The villagers stood gaping in wonder at Lal Bujhakkad. "Only you could have seen through the deer's clever trick," said the headman. Lal Bujhakkad graciously acknowledged the compliment and admonishing the villagers for their foolishness, returned home. Some nights later, the animal who had made the tracks, a large elephant, came that way again. The villagers saw the tracks the next morning but this time they were not afraid. They knew the deer was trying to fool them again.